I Was Afraid to Tell My Grandmother I Was Gay. Her Reaction Left Me Speechless.

我很害怕跟我的祖母說我是一個同性戀。他的反應讓我說不出口。

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For years, I lived in fear that my conservative grandmother would discover I was gay. Once she did, the reality warmed my heart. 

有好幾年的時間，我活在擔心之中，擔心保守的祖母會發現我是同志。 祖母知道後，實際上卻溫暖我的心。

BY CATHERINE SMYKA

For a long time in my family, there was an understanding that my grandmother refused to watch The Ellen DeGeneres Show because the host was a lesbian.

我的家族有很長一段時間，都知道奶奶不看ELLEN SHOW，因為主持人是一個女同志。

She used to say, “The nerve of that woman, being all gay in public like that.”

他以前常說，" 那女人怎麼可以這樣，像這樣讓同志在公眾場合。"

There was an unspoken pact among my relatives not to tell my grandmother that I was a lesbian.

在我的親戚裡有一條不成文的規定，絕對不向祖母說我是同志的事。

My uncle had said, “You know, she’s pretty old already, so you should just, you know, wait it out until she [passes away].”

我的叔叔說" 你知道他已經很老了，所以你知道你應該等他走了之後再公開這件事。"

It became a kind of family joke: “Don’t tell Grandma that Catherine’s gay!”

這已經成了家族的笑話" 不要告訴奶奶Catherine是同志"

In college, I had this rainbow bracelet that I used to take off when I went into Grandma’s house, even though I knew she wouldn’t get what that meant. Sometimes she’d walk into the kitchen, and I’d be telling someone a story about a girl I was dating, and I would tone it down and say, “She’s such a nice friend.” It was exhausting, though. The coming-out process didn’t feel very freeing if I was keeping secrets.

在學校我都會戴著彩虹手鍊，但是當我走進祖母的房子時，就會拿掉他，即使知道他可能不懂這個東西的意義。 有時候我正在談論正在交往的女孩時，他會走進廚房，然後我會壓低聲音說" 他是我一個好朋友"。然而這真的很累人。如果我繼續守著祕密，出去約會時一點也不e感到自在。

The challenge with my grandmother was nerve-racking, but she and I had that in common because she was no stranger to challenges. She’d moved all the way across the country to be with her husband, who ended up dying really early. And she raised 12 kids, mostly by herself. She never finished school. I didn’t want to be another one of those challenges, ’cause I thought, Having a queer granddaughter, what’re you going to do with that?

Whenever we hung out, I was a wreck. It was late summer, about two years after coming out, and a bunch of people were at Grandma’s house, and the summer had been long and wonderful and full of this new woman I was dating whom I loved so much. I was sitting on the back porch, smiling and thinking about her. Grandma came outside, and I think we were talking about how my younger sister was about to get her driver’s license, which is already a terrifying thing.

和我奶奶的挑戰是很傷腦筋的事情，但是她和我一樣，因為他對挑戰從來不陌生。為了和丈夫在一起，她橫跨了整個國家，而他最後很早就走了。 祖母幾乎靠自己獨力撫養了十二位子女。她從來沒有上學過。我不想成為她的另一個挑戰。"有一個奇怪的孫女，那麼你會怎麼辦?"我想著。每當我們出去的時候，我都覺得自己不完整。在我出櫃兩年後的一個晚夏，許多人聚集在祖母的房子裡，那個夏天又長又美好，我的新對象填滿了這個夏天，我非常愛她。我坐在後門想著他時微微地笑著。祖母走出門外，我想我們在聊我的小妹要拿到她的駕照了，這是一件令人害怕的事情。

And then I asked her about how she and my grandfather met. It’s a story I’ve heard a billion times, but I love hearing it again. She got this smile, and she was talking about what Grandpa was like in his early 20s and about their slightly sneaky courtship. She basically conned a priest into setting her up on a dinner date with my grandfather, which I thought was adorable and hilarious.

接著我問她，她和祖父是怎麼相遇的。我已經聽過這個故事無數次，但是我喜歡再聽一次。 她微微笑著，然後開始說爺爺在二十出頭的樣子，然後關於他們之間暗中的追求。基本上她騙牧師才能夠和祖父在晚餐約會，這真是可愛而且歡樂的。

She has great stories, but mostly I love watching her talk about him. I can tell that she still remembers exactly how his hand used to fit in hers and the intensity of his scent. He smelled like pipe tobacco and mint. It’s been over two decades since he passed away, and I know that she’s thought of him every day. And she was telling me about him on the back porch that day.

她有很多很棒的故事，但是大部分我喜歡看她說關於祖父的事。我知道她依舊清楚的記得，他的手是如何握著她，以及他身上的味道。他聞起來像是煙管的煙草和薄荷。他已經過世20多年了，而我知道奶奶每一天都想著他。那天在後門她也跟我說關於爺爺的事情。

She said, “He was the best man I know, so you need to find yourself someone like that, someone who will love you and respect you and tell you you’re beautiful. Someone to bring home to meet the family for family dinner.”

他說" 他是我所認識最棒的男人，所以你也要找到像他這樣的人，會愛你敬你而且告訴你你是美麗的。 帶這樣的人，來家裡見見家人，一起用晚餐。"

Without thinking, I said, “Well, I think I already have, Grandma.” And then I was like: Oh no. I said that out loud. I thought to myself, I don’t know what to do. What is going to happen? I’m a lesbian. She’s going to kill me.

不假思索的，我說"  我想已經有這樣的人了，奶奶" 然後我就像是這樣: 喔不。我大聲的說。我想對我而言我不知道該怎麼辦，到底會發生什麼事? 我是一個同志，奶奶他會殺了我的。

She said, “Is he a nice boy?”

她說"他是一個好男孩嗎"

And I said, “Yes. She is a very nice lady.”

然後我說"是的 她是一個很棒的女士"

And the two of us looked at each other for a long time.

然後我們兩個盯著彼此好一段時間

I have no idea what’s running through her head, but mine was going something like, Why are you still sitting here? Run! She’s actually going to kill you.

Then she reached over and patted my hand, and said, “Well, you tell her to come around anytime, all right?”

我不知道她的腦中有什麼想法，但是我的已經充斥著像是這樣，"你到底為什麼要坐在這裡? 跑啊! 她真的會殺了妳"。 然後她伸出手，拍拍我的手，然後說" 你跟他說隨時來這裡坐坐，好嗎?"

And I was like, “What?”

我就像是" 什麼!????"

I looked over, and she had a smile on her face that meant she was thinking of my grandpa. She said, “You’re my granddaughter, and I love you so much. You should know that there will always be a place at my dinner table for you and whomever you love.”

我端詳著，她臉上的微笑意味著她想到了祖父。 他說" 你是我的孫女，我非常愛你。你應該知道，在我的餐桌上永遠留有位置給你和你所愛的人。"

I wanted to cry and to hug her … and I also wanted to make sure that she knew I was telling her I was gay, like, to be clear. But she just kept looking at me and patting my hand, and so I said, “Thank you.”

我想要哭，然後擁抱她 ....然後我也想要確定她清楚的知道，我說的是我是一個同志。但是她只是一直看著我，然後拍拍我的手，於是我說" 謝謝你"。

Since then, Grandma is the first to reprimand anyone who tells a gay joke.

自從那時候開始，奶奶總是第一個斥責開同志玩笑的人。

My uncles are actually the worst offenders, and when someone says, like, “OK, so a queer walks into a bar …,” she is the first to slap them upside the head and tell them to cut it out.

實際上，我的叔叔們是最讓人生氣的人，然後當他們有人說，像是" 好吧 所以一個怪胎走進去酒吧..." 她會第一時間打他們的頭，叫他們不要再說了。

Every once in a while, I will even see The Ellen DeGeneres Show playing in the living room.

過一陣子，甚至我將會看到ELLEN SHOW在客廳播放。

source: Reader's digest